The Knowing
by Becaboo
Summary: After JJ comes back to work after a traumatic experience, She has to deal with the past, present and future and the unsub back- trying to finish what he started.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey Guys,_

 _To be hones, I am so sorry about what has been happening- ive been going through some stuff at home and writing has been my escape. Garcia Out and The Impossible Dream is something I have been trying to continue but I couldn't make it sound right._

 _But listen, I'm back and ready to go_

 _This is my new story, The Knowing, so please R &R and let me know what you feel about this story. _

_Thanks,_

 _Becca_

"JJ, wake up. The test results are here."

Jennifer Jarau opened her eyes to see her husband holding a letter. It was the letter they were waiting for a months. It could determine the future for the couple and what happens next in their relationship.

"I can't open it. I don't know what I want it to be. Positive and our lives are overturned, Negative and the same results- I don't know what to do."

JJ looked up at her husband. His eyes filled with hope. JJ took the envelope and opened it slowly as her husband sat down next to her on the bed. The paper fell out onto the bed and JJ picked it up. She skimmed the letter and threw it down on the bed, collapsing into tears. Her husband picked it up and read through it. He read the words no one wanted to see in their case and pulled his wife close.

3 months earlier

"Clear"

JJ and Morgan were going through each room in the house, trying to locate either Darren Cartwright or his latest victim, the profile did say that he would go to extremes to either hide or escape. Hotch and Emily were in the house next door. It had been abandoned and seemed like the place for Darren to hide 5 women and rape and murder them.

JJ could hear Morgan behind her, each step a cautious one. Garcia called them a team within a team, a married one at that and every day hoped for the news of a BAU baby. JJ and Morgan wanted kids but it wasn't happening for them. JJ looked around a corner with her gun at the ready. She couldn't see anything or anyone and stepped forward. She looked behind her for Morgan but he wasn't there.

JJ turned around and fell to the ground. JJ looked around, disorientated on the floor, covered in smashed glass. She felt hands pick her up and carry her away from the hallway and into the light.

Present Day

Penelope Garcia walked into the BAU and went straight into Hotch's office. Ever since JJ came back, Penelope and Hotch were trying to get her into extra counselling to help with what she went through with Darren Cartwright.

"Pen, it's been 3 months. You know that Derek has been trying to help JJ as much as we are but its JJ, she works it out in her own way."

Penelope nodded in agreement- JJ has tried to move on in her own pace and with the teams help, has come back to work after consideration to her case.

3 months earlier

"JJ" Morgan was running through the house, trying to find JJ.

"Derek, what's happening?" Penelope came over on Morgan's ear piece.

"Baby Girl, I can't find JJ or the unsub. I'm going to look upstairs again and see what's up there."

Morgan heard Penelope gasp. He heard someone walk in one rooms upstairs. He raised his gun and crept up the stairs carefully, trying not to make them creak. He saw a light peering through the door, and a shadow close to the door. Morgan crept closer and opened the door with caution. He raised the gun and went into the room. The smell hit him first. It was a mix between blood and urine. His eyes lead to the blood covered bed where a woman was tied to the bed. It was then when Morgan realised that it wasn't JJ but the other woman they were looking for. She was barely breathing and didn't realise that Morgan was in the room. He put his gun away and went to check her pulse.

"Penelope, I need the EMTs at the location and tell Emily and Hotch to get over here now!"

"Right, Okay. I'm here if you need it- Bye"

Penelope sighed- she heard it in his voice.

It wasn't JJ.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _Hey Guys,_

 _Look- im sorry. I did say that I would have a new chapter every week and I have been trying but my stupid computer deleted this chapter after I wrote and edited it and then I was sick all this week and didn't have time to write anything up._

 _I have plans for where this story is going._

 _I am going to try and revive the Garcia Out stories but at the moment I am just trying to focus on my health and see if I can get rid of what ever is making me sick._

 _WAIT- do any of you know tricks for curing a sore, dry throat, today I had around 1.5 litres of water to try and cure my thirst but all that did was make me go to the bathroom every half hour- not fun at school ( im telling you that) but seriously- any cures around the world? I had milk and honey half an hour ago and it worked but the pain is back and with a vengeance- please help guys. Im also losing my voice so I can hardly talk as well._

 _AH I hate being sick_

 _Any way, enjoy the chapter and please R &R_

 _Love,_

 _Becca_

JJ woke up in pain. It was all over, a pain she had never felt before. She tried to look around but the pain increased when she opened her eyes or moved. JJ went back onto the ground and lay as flat as she could. It was the only thing she could think of to lower the pain that was increasing with every breath. She opened one eye slowly but couldn't see anything because it was dark. She felt something wet on her head and slowly dripping down onto h er face. Cautiously, JJ moved her hand out to try and feel her way around the room she was in. she felt around the floor to a wooden object. She couldn't tell what it was by feeling it so, with pain, JJ opened her eyes. She looked up and saw a tall cupboard. It had a padlock on it, enclosing whatever was in it. JJ went back down and closed her eyes again. Without opening her eyes, she started to cry silent tears.

After what seemed to be hours, JJ woke up to blinding light. She Turned her head away and saw boots. They were old work boots. She lifted her head up high to see the man who had taken her captive. This wasn't the man she though him to be. She was expecting a white male, early to mid thirties with possible mummy issues but this was a young black male standing strong with a look on his face that JJ knew. She had seened videos of unsubs torturing their vicitms- they all had the same look on their face. It was a cross between pain and pleasure. JJ wimpered and tried to crawl away from the man. When she did that all he did was move closer.

That's when JJ saw what was in his hands. it was something she hadn't used in ages. JJ had Morgan for that now and even then she hardly used it. The unsub came closer and that's when JJ started screaming.

PRESENT DAY

"Hotch, you have no idea what JJ and I went through yesterday. We got the results back from the doctor and she turned into a zombie- she didn't eat, drink or sleep. She just walked around the house and cried. i tried everything. Ice Cream, chocolate, the works- the stuff you used when you and Emily had the miscarriage but its different Hotch"

Morgan looked up at his boss, who had silent tears in his eyes. It had been a year since Emily had the miscarriage and it was a hard time for the team. No one knew what to do to make Emily feel again. It was only when JJ came back when things were different. Emily had someone to care for and look after, except it wasn't the baby she longed for- it was her best friend in a time of need.

" Hotch, JJ's pregnant, and it's the rapists baby."

 _Oh crap, I thought I would leave it there so its something for me to come back to- tomorrow I will start on Chapter 3. It will be longer and with more information of both sides (JJ and Emily)._

 _In this story, Henry doesn't exist, yet, I may add him later in the story line, I may not. I haven't decided yet. Haley isn't dead but she has full custody of Jack so that's why, in later chapters, he will only turn up every now and again._

 _Ok, hopefully you will see my picture in the main menu soon and please send me any remedys that you know of and I will try and convince my mum to let me have the day off school tomorrow and maybe see a doctor-_

 _Okay- going now,_

 _Bye XX_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _Hey Guys,_

 _So my mum let me have the day off school because I woke up and couldn't talk because my throat was so dry and sore that I was in pain every time I opened my mouth. I still don't know what happening but its okay._

 _Anyway, these chapters are rolling off of me. I am going to make them a bit short, just so I have focus on what I am trying to say instead of having word vomit when I try to prolong the chapter._

 _All right- here is chapter 3, please R &R and enjoy, _

_Becca Xx_

"You were amazing _Jennifer_. So good, I've never had one like you before- the way that you fought back was so good but you have to learn that I will always win."

JJ looked up at the unsub, who was putting his pants back on. JJ looked down at her beaten naked body. There was nothing JJ would do to escape this personal hell.

BAU- same time

"Morgan, you need to calm down- smashing Anderson's desk isn't going to help find JJ. Now you go and sit by the round table. We found the body of Darren Cartwright so JJ can still be alive. There is nothing that this team wouldn't do to find JJ." Hotch looked in Derek's eyes. He saw the pain that he had never seen before.

"Hotch, with all respect and everything, JJ is my wife, I promised to care for her and now this has happened. I don't know how to tell my mother or hers. JJ's mum has already lost one daughter- I don't want my actions to cost her another."

With that, Morgan walked into the room and sat down and started to cry once again.

Present day

JJ hadn't moved in days. All she had done was sleep and cry. She hardly touched the meals that Derek made. She didn't think about work or anything except for the baby growing inside of her. JJ went through all the times she was raped through that week by him. The team didn't even know what his name was and the rape kit couldn't give a positive reading. The man had no records in the system and there were no DNA matches for any relatives. Penelope was still spending her free time looking for people who may have seen either the murder or where JJ escaped from.

Whenever JJ closed her eyes, she pictured him, on top of her, stuffing things into her, making her bleed. She was so close to death, it was ages since she had seen sunlight. The hope of seeing her husband and team again gave her the hope of surviving each day.

"NO, no no, stop it please, stop- HELP ME" JJ started screaming and Morgan ran into the room.

"Jen, stop- it's just a dream. Wake up for me baby- wake up"

JJ opened her eyes and went into her husband's arms. He lay down on the bed and that's where they lay for hours- JJ crying and Morgan listening.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _Hello my friends,_

 _I am still alive and well- I just had three assignments due in this past week and I was doing 37 hours at work- fun_

 _Anyway, because of this, I didn't have time to do any writing this week. But I am back and ready to go- I had more than two hours today to work at school. Anyway, let's get on with this chapter and see how we go_

 _R &R, _

_Becca Xx_

JJ walked numbly around the house. It had been a week since she had told the team about the baby. Penelope had been bringing over muffins and cupcakes every morning, just to try and bring a smile to her face and Hotch had let her have time off. Rossi, Spencer and Emily had kept their distance, thinking it to be the best option.

She had been to several doctors and abortion clinics but she couldn't go through with it. After she learnt what happened to Emily, she didn't want to have the experience that Emily went through.

Derek was the same. He didn't know what to do. This was the baby they wanted but it wasn't the situation they wanted. Derek thought back to when he found JJ, and the state she was in. the weeklong stay in the hospital wasn't enough for the mental injuries she sustained. Only recently, JJ let Morgan back into their bed. The only thing holding them together was their bond and the job that they both wanted complete.

"JJ, its time." Morgan peered into the bedroom. JJ looked up from her position on the bed. She and Morgan decided to go see a psychiatrist and see how it could help them move on.

It didn't help, the only thing the psychiatrist was telling them was to abort the baby and move on with their lives, JJ found her as being the type of person who says she has the advice but never goes through with giving it.

It was a long car ride home and Derek and JJ were sitting, not talking.

"Jennifer, maybe it is for the best. We can move or take extended time off. The team will understand and it can help with dealing with the baby." Morgan took his eyes off the road to look at his wife. JJ looked at him for a second and gave a small smile- that look was replaced by horror as JJ looked at the road. Morgan looked back and swerved to miss the car. The car skidded and crashed into a tree.

"JJ"


	5. Chapter 5- just an update on me

Hey Guys, Guess who's back!

Unfortunately this isn't a new chapter but just a little note saying how sorry i am.

i have had several personal issues rise up in the recent months and without knowing how to deal with them all, i pushed back the updates to my fanfics. almost every week, i would say to myself that i would update one of my fanfics or maybe start another one.

To me, this was an impossible dream. (see what i did there)

My depression and anxiety rose up and i didn't know how to deal with it because my parents refused to help and the councillor at school was a bitch and didn't help me.

the friends who i have been friends with for several years decided to turn their backs on me for a few months, which made me even more depressed because the people i used to turn to for help weren't there for me anymore with no reasoning behind it as well.

with all this happening, i managed to become close with some friends at work and at my TAFE course as well.

i just want to say sorry for the lack of updates and hopefully you are able to understand why there hasn't been any news from me recently.

ask me questions either through PM or review sections and i will get back to you. it can range from where the Fanfics will go to anything really.

i love you all,

im really sorry btw

Becca Xxx


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